No Strength: Why do people lift weights? To get strong. Combine with a basic weight loss diet-er, I mean, a patented P90X NUTRITION PLAN-and boom, you've gotten "ripped" in 90 days flat. The fast-paced nature of the workouts means that it keeps your cardio up high. In normal human language, P90X is basically high intensity circuit training, meaning that you do a lot of exercises back to back, one after the other, with defined splits, meaning focusing on certain areas of the body or certain aspect of fitness on certain days, over the course of 12 weeks. It is, in other words, the very Platonic Ideal of that most insipid fitness industry trend: giving bullshit proprietary names to regular shit and charging a lot of money for it. What IS this mysterious and amazing workout that will get you Absolutely Ripped In 90 Days Or Your Money Back? Well, it is, of course, a 12-part workout series featuring patented body-sculpting methods like Yoga X and Kenpo X and Ab Ripper X and X Stretch and Core Synergistics, with patented Flexitarian P90X-approved meals delivered directly from the Tony Horton Kitchen, for an additional fee. It's great! Crossfit will get your ass in … The Problem(s) With Crossfitįirst of all let me just say that Crossfit is great.
But while Crossfit, at least, boasts a solid foundation of true hardcoreness marred only by problems of style and temperament, P90X is. There is a certain type of person who tends to be really "into" these high-intensity group workout fads, like Crossfit or P90X: people. (Mussolini was a big, big fan of Yoga Booty Ballet™.) In fascism, citizens are united "through a totalitarian state that seeks the mass mobilization of a nation through discipline, indoctrination, physical training, and eugenics." (Sounds interesting!) In P90X, citizens are united through a totalitarian state called Beachbody™ that uses discipline, indoctrination, and physical training to achieve the mass mobilization of dozens of impressionable people who have paid hundreds of dollars in order to watch a workout DVD together. P90X: What is it? Why is it? And, most importantly, is it hardcore? Sure. So when we heard that hokey-doke dreamboat Paul Ryan, Washington DC's most famous adherent of the P90X workout, could be the next VP, we immediately knew that it was time to exploit this fact for profit. Here at "I of the Tiger" Fitness Reportage Inc., we don't know much about "politics" or "economics" or "stealthy plans to decimate the social safety net while funneling untold sums to the rich." But we do know about fitness fads, exercise trends, and workout crapola.
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